The Tweedles

3 month Newsletter

2010-04-28T22:43:00.001-07:00

Dear Hudson,
Today, sweet boy, you are 3 months old. I remember when Trixie was little I thought that 3 months was such a milestone, the point where you left being an infant and ventured into being a real baby. I find that this is holding true for you too. You've started to show more of your personality, which is mellow and wiggly. Seems like a contradiction, right? But in reality you are a real go with the flow kind of guy. The only time you fuss is when you're hungry or have a wet diaper. Other than that, you take what life dishes you, which is mostly your sister right in your face. Luckily she loves you to pieces and is in your face showering you with slobbery kisses and information about various toys and books. She loves to show you things and I often hear "Yook Huh-son, yook!", and you oblige and look.
You've perfected your smile, which is pretty open mouthed, but you have the smiling with your eyes down. You are a great smiler. And recently you've started to giggle which is lovely. I find that you giggle the most in your sleep though, which is amusing.
This month we went to New Zealand so you could meet your Nana and Papa and you had a great time. The flight there and back was a breeze for you. Mostly you slept and ate, you spent some time flirting with the people around you, which amused me. I can see the fear in their eyes when they realize that they're seated next to a baby for a 13+ hour flight, but at the end of both flights I had a lot of compliments on what a "good"baby you were. (Trixie was a good toddler too, I"m such a lucky Mama.)
While in New Zealand you had a growth spurt and needed to eat a lot, so the stash of formula we took with us ran out sooner than we liked, luckily they have formula over there too! Now that we're home you've slowed down your consumption and are back to your 4 ounce bottles. Also you've gone the way of your sister and seem to have a dairy sensitivity. You are a super puker. Oh boy, there's a reason Daddy and I call you a Cheesy Boy, you produce lots of good quality cheese!
Also this month you've really started to study your hands and sometimes you'll notice your feet, but they're not nearly as interesting as your hands. When you are playing with your activity centre, you've started to purposely grab for the dangling toys to make them rattle or wrinkle. I suspect that soon you'll start holding things which will be nice!
You love to look around and are quite a people watcher, although you're not so fond of loud places, they stress you out a lot.
You are happy to be worn, but after our trip you're a little burned out on being worn too much, after all you were worn for a week straight when we were in Australia. I'm going to be happy when I can wear you on my back so I can get more chores done. You love to be held and are a mama's boy, so I sometimes find it challenging to get laundry folded when you are awake and want to play. Which is fine, playing with you is much more fun than folding laundry!
A week ago you had your 2 month check up, (which was late) and you are 30th percentile for weight (13 lbs) and 70th for length (24 inches), so right now you are long and skinny, we'll see what happens at your next check up, I know that these things change up a lot.
Your sleep is good. You sleep a solid 7 hours in a row at night, but you have to be swaddled to get this much sleep, other than that you wiggle yourself awake. You fall asleep best when you get to nurse to sleep and will reject a bottle to nurse, which warms my Mama heart.
My sweet boy, I am so in love with you, and I am so grateful for you!
love Mama.

26 Month Newsletter

2010-04-24T23:45:00.000-07:00

Dear Trixie,
Today you are 26 months old!
The past month has been another busy one, with us adding more stamps to your passport! We went to New Zealand so Nana and Papa could meet Hudson. Then we went over to Australia so spend some time with one of Daddy's friends who's there to get his PhD in underwater robotics.
In New Zealand you had a great time with Nana and Papa. You enjoyed having a yard to play in and grandparents at your beck and call. We went to see lots of animals and you amazed us with your fearlessness as you were surrounded by sheep and llamas.
While we were there we celebrated Easter and you had a great time decorating eggs with crayons (becasue we couldn't find egg dying kits, let alone white eggs). The egg hunt consisted of a few "hidden" candies and eggs and mostly eggs and candies scattered on the floor for you to pick up. You had a great time, but the best part for you was following the "hunt" when I let you eat as many as you could shove in your mouth for a couple minutes. You had a great time, and we paid for it later when the sugar crash hit. Luckily you didn't get sick from all of the sugar that night and it didn't seem to lower your immune system for the rest of our travels.
In Australia we did lots of walking around and we got to the point where you refused to walk and insisted that Daddy carry you everywhere. This was a little trying, but we still had a great time. We went to the aquarium, the zoo and another wildlife place. You were in heaven seeing animals nearly every day!
People often ask how I was able to travel with a toddler and an infant and I always answer that you and your brother are so well behaved and happy children. Which is mostly true. You did have some hiccups along the way, we felt the effects of not sleeping in our bed and not being home in your familiar surroundings, but I think you did really good considering. We'll still do more travelling with you and your brother. We all had a great time.
Your vocabulary grew this month to include words like crocodile, kangaroo and "ANIMALS!" Your eating was sporadic, but I think it's more that we were on vacation and you didn't care to eat, or were too sleepy. So there isn't much to comment on that, although today you discoverd queso fresco and demanded a lot of it. Yesterday you asked for your own bowl of icecream "mine own icecream pwease" and you ate much of it, but today you suffered for it. I guess your little digestive system still doesn't like cow's milk, in any form. (except yogurt, you tolerate yogurt fine, yay for probiotics!)
You continue to show lots of affection for your brother. I sometimes worry that you're showing too much, because you can be a little rough, but it's all because you love him, and I can't get angry at you for that.
Now that you're two months into the "terrible twos", I am starting to see why it's called that. I'll never declare that you're terrible, but you do test your boundaries and have developed this lovely habit of selective listening. So to define boundaries we have you spend some time in a corner. I know that some people will doubt that you'll go to a corner when told, but you do. You may not stay in it as long as I'd like, but you go. We're working on it. But you are a good girl, and I am awfully lucky to have you!
I think you're really close to being properly potty trained during the day. In a showing of independance you don't go on your potty when I ask you, rather you wait until you want to go and you go on it. We haven't had an accident in a long time, but you do still spend some time in diapers. Sometimes I have to remind myself that you were potty trained at one time, but you opted to go back to diapers when you learned to walk, finding the potty to be too much time spent sitting still.
We're still cosleeping with you at night. You love to curl up against Daddy's or my backs at night and play with someone's hair. You would love to cuddle Hudson all night, but I worry that you're not aware of him enough to not suffocate him, so he sleeps on the other side of me, but in the mornings you get to spend some time with him. You'll cover him in kisses and be so happy that he's there.
I haven't talked about our morning routine much, but we've developed a fun one. After you wake up and wake up everyone else, we generally let you watch 20 minutes or so of TV so we can wake up, then you go and brush your teeth with Daddy, then you get a sticker for your "chart" and then you shower with Daddy, who, when done will get out, leave you in the shower and I'll join you so you get an extra long shower. You play with your ducks and letters in the shower and take pride on sitting on the drain so that the shower stall fills with water until Daddy or I scoot you off so that the water won't overflow. After the shower Daddy dries you off, you run about naked, laughing like a crazy girl then you ask for a pretty dress when we decide what you're going to wear. I do your hair and we go downstairs for breakfast. It's a longer routine than most I guess, but it's fun and you're happy for it. I used to worry that daily showers (and some baths at night) would dry out your skin, but it seems that you have oily skin like your daddy. We don't wash your hair every day, maybe only once every other week, but it gets wet down every day, I need it wet to help control your crazy curls!
All in all we have lots of fun with you.
You're such a delight.
love ,
Mama.

2 Months

2010-03-28T22:04:00.000-07:00

Dear Hudson,
Today you turn 2 months old! We're celebrating your birthday by going to a Hangi in New Zealand! So technically today is the day after you turn 2 months since we lost a day on the trip over. But it's your 2 month birthday at home.
This past month has been fast! You've learned how to smile and you are a little stingy with them, but when you give them they are glorious! Just yesterday you found your hands and studied them for about 20 minuites.
You like to lay in your activity centre for about 5 minutes then you are all about the mama. It's sweet that you are so attached to me, we do a lot of babywearing so that I can get some things done.
You love to talk to me, and give me lots of coos and gurgles, and this is when I can best get a smile from you. Trixie loves to talk to you too, and you seem to enjoy her, you'll give her your attention and you don't seem to mind when she slathers you with kisses.
You're an awfully patient guy and only fuss if you're hungry, have a wet diaper or are too tired to put yourself to sleep. Luckily I can remedy all of these situtaions and you are back to your normal happy self.
Being as you're only 2 months old there isn't much to mention in your development and daily life. But my sweet little Mr. Mister, I love you so much! I say often how lucky I am to have your sister, but I am just as lucky to have you. Always know that you were worth all of the trouble we went to concieve you. You were worth every last needle, surgery and crazy making drug. I would have done it 100 times over, just to have you. I love you so much my sweet boy.
love,
Mama.

25 month newsletter

2010-03-24T21:45:00.000-07:00

Dear Beatrix.
Today you are 25 months old, and I guess a lot of people would think that it's silly that I'm still counting your age in months, but I laugh at them and say at least I'm not counting your age in weeks!
This month you've been busy working on being a big sister and you've been doing a wonderful job. You've shown no jealousy towards Hudson, mostly you just want to hug and kiss him and do anything to be physically close to him. I feel bad that I have to pull you away from him so much, but he needs to breathe. I try to involve you in caring for Hudson, you like to "burp burp" him and you're an expert drool wiper and pretty good at wiping away spit up too. If I'm busy and he's fussing I can ask you to sing to him and you will, often an adorable rendition of Twinkle Twinkle or Happy Birthday. He's a lucky boy!
We've been working on the alphabet this month. You love to sing it, and have made up your own version which has a more direct route to zed. (We say zed, not zee.) ABC-QRS-Y-Zed. I bought you some foam letters which you play with in the shower. You like to stick them on the walls and group them by colour. You are getting good at identifying the letters though, and scoff at the numbers. However, you insist that 6 is 9 and are happy that the set has two 9s. (Which seems to be your favourite number.)
With your eating, I've realized that you are a social eater, you eat best when in a group. I'm seeing more and more how your personality is affected by your eating. The days you eat less you're a little more obstinate, so I'm learning how to get you to nibble on more things to keep your blood sugar up and you in a better mood! Of course you will always eat your body weight in berries, you love strawberries and blueberries and of course they both have some negative after effects. You favourite veggies this month were broccoli (but only the flower part) and carrots. You still love to dip everything so I work on making healthy dips for you, with hummus being your favourite. In the future look for some homemade ketchup and some pestos! A fun addition to your diet has been meat, you seem to love meatballs, so I make sure that I make them frequently for you. Today you happily ate up some dried figs calling them meatballs, and you would not let me call them figs.
You language continues to grow much faster than I ever anticipated. You can speak in full sentences and I love seeing you converse with your friends in sentences. It's like you're little people, not just babies anymore! It's pure craziness!
I love to listen to you have conversations with your dolls and toys, or just your running commentary on life around you. And you sing! A lot! If I wasn't already positive that you were a child of mine your made up songs prove it. I love how you just sing along to whatever is going on in your head. It's something your Daddy and I know you got from me.
Right now you are all about dresses and when I ask you what you'd like to wear you still answer with "pwitty dwess". And I love how in your pretty dress you will get down on the floor and play cars with your little boy friends.
This month you have entered the so called "Terrible Twos", I'm finding you are a stubborn child, but I notice that along with your stubbornness you can be reasoned with. I don't think you're terrible at all. I think you are a toddler who's just gone through a pretty intense life change, getting a new sibling and learning all about the world around you. Granted you try and test me as much as you can, but it's okay. I'm learning too. I'm learning how to pass your tests and still keep my sanity. We're working though it, and we're still as attached as ever. At night you sleep as close to me as you can get, and whenever you have a couple moments of down time during the day you make sure your sitting next to me or on me if I'm not holding Hudson. I love how you will just come and take your time with me when you feel you need it. I will always be available to you and I love you impromptu cuddles and loves.
I love you!
love Mama.

The Birth of Hudson George

2010-03-09T19:10:00.000-08:00

Hudson was born at 8:14 am January 28, 2010, but my labour started at 5 am January 27 at 5am. If you do the math that's 27 hours. It was a long day.
Wednesday morning I woke to a popping feeling in my uterus, which I wrote off as the baby kicking because often when he kicked I would hear and feel a pop, like when you crack your knuckles. I figured it was my pelvis or something clicking. My midwife assured me it was normal, not common but okay. So I just assumed the popping was him clicking. Then about 5 minutes later, (after I shifted positions a little) I felt some gurgling in my abdomin. I thought perhaps I had some indigestion, and waited to see how I felt. I waited, more gurgling. Then I noticed some dampness, again I didn't think it was much. Then I noticed more... putting two and two together I jumped out of bed and bounded to the bathroom doing the tightest keigle I could manage. Once I hit the tile floor (3 steps from my bed) there was a giant splash and I took the final step to the toilet. Once sitting I screamed for Adam to wake up, telling him my water broke. He jumped out of bed and came running to me and we confirmed that I my water had indeed broken, all over the bathroom floor. Adam went and found some towels to sop up the mess, I wiped up some with white toilet paper to check the colour, which was a lovely clear colour.
After we cleaned up the mess Adam went back to bed and I tucked a hand towel between my legs and went back to bed too. Trixie woke up a briefly, but we gave her a bottle and she went back to sleep. At 5:30am I had my first contraction, then had another 3 minutes later, and another 3 minutes later, each lasting 45-55 seconds each. By now I was convinced I was going to have a baby on the 27th and was trying to not get too excited and get some sleep. At around 7am I called my doula and midwife* to let them know what had happened. My midwife was going to send her appretice over to see me, and she arrived around 10 am, she listened to the baby's heart, told me to drink some water, eat something with protien and to rest. Around the same time a good friend came over and took Trixie to a near by indoor playground, she also brought me a protien shake. I continued to labour at home for a few more hours with regular contractions.
At around 3 or so my doula suggested that we go for a walk to help get things going since my contraction had started to slow down. I was exhausted and took a small nap first with Trixie. When we woke up less than an hour later we got ready to go for a walk, and I changed the cloth diaper I had stuffed in my pants to absorb the amniotic fluid. At this time I noticed it was tinged greenish brown. I figured it was just bloody show, perhaps reacting with the cotton of the diaper and we went for a good long walk, which triggered a lot of strong contractions. When we got back from the walk I changed the diaper again since I could feel it was rather sodden, and I noticed more green/ brown fluid. At this time I called my midwife who was already on her way. While we waited for her to arrive I sat on my fit ball bouncing a little between contractions to help them out. Trixie insisted she bounce too so Adam went and found her the small fit ball so she could sit on it and bounce like Mama. With each contraction I would stand up and rock myself to help with pain. Trixie also would stand and bend 45 degrees at the waist, hold her back and say "oh baby, oh baby". She really helped with pain mangement. Adam would rub my back and Trixie would rub my leg. They were a great labour team. Around 7pm my midwife arrived and I showed her the diaper with the stain and shes said it was likely meconium and I should go to the hospital. So I called the hosptial and spoke with the head nurse on the maternity ward, who also urged me to come in. Then after my inital shock and disapointment at another failed homebirth we called up our friend again who came and took Trixie to her house for an extended playdate/ sleep over. After they left Adam bustled around gathering things for the hospital bag because we didn't have one packed. Then we left for the hospital, close to 8 pm. The drive there was horrible, every bump was agonizing and I had what felt like 4,000 contractions, and since I was in a car I couldn't move to help them, all I could do was angle myself in the seat so I was kind of standing and beg Adam to drive faster.
Once at the hospital I cured the bad layout for having the elevators to the 3rd floor so far away from the entrance. Finally on the 3rd floor we reach the very far away maternity ward and go to check in, but despite calling to let them know I was coming in I was asked to wait in the waiting room. I was livid. I was in active labour, with regular contractions and mec in the fluids, and I had to wait, in a full waiting room of other families waiting to hear of a birth. Finally I was allowed to talk to the receptionist who put me in observation, and had me pee in a cup. Still not impressed and in labour I peed in the cup and notice that there was vernix in the cup. At close to 8:30pm a doctor comes to see me, and tells me that she knows my regular doctor, which lets me know that she knows that I was planning a homebirth. She's kind and doesn't give me a hard time at all. As she's checking my records for "one more thing" I tell her I'm GBS negative and she's shocked that I would know to tell her that. I bite my tounge about being my own advocate and we wait for a nurse to tell us which room we'll be moved to. At the same time my midwife is told she has to leave the maternity ward becasue she has her 2 month old baby with her and she's too close to being a newborn to be allowed on the ward. My midwife is upset and waits in the waiting room for my doula to arrive.
At around 9pm we are taken to the delivery room and I'm given a hep lock and they do blood tests for something. I notice the nurse manages to get my blood everywhere and it will annoy me for the rest of my labour and hosptial stay. My doula arrives and we talk about how I've had another homebirth fail and she reassures me that it's okay, and we're doing the best thing for the baby. I agree, but I"m still sad. My contractions are regular and strong, I'm don't need to vocalize through them, but I do need to lean on Adam and rock through them. After strapping the baby monitor on me the nurse can't find and keep the heartbeat on the monitor, so she sits next to me holding it to where the baby is for a couple of hours. I"m glad that she's so dedicated, but I hate being tethered to a person like that.
For the next couple of hours nurses and doctors come and go, I have lots of contractions and I wait. I start to lose track of time and I can only remember events, not time. (for the most part)
Soon the doctors start talking about wanting to put a monitor in my uterus to see how strong my contractins are since I've only dilated to 4 cms, adn I've been at the hospital with regular contractions for a ocuple of hours. I hesitate on the monitor because I feel it will start a string of interventions and I want to avoid that. Finally I agree to having one after it's mentioned to me that if I stay at 4 cms too long that I'll be at a greater risk for a c-section. The monitor lets the doctors know that I am having strong contractions, and they should be dilating me, but they are not. The nursing shift change happens and I get a new nurse who's had 4 natural births herself and is an advocate of everything I want, which is nice. No one ever gave me a hard time for my birth plan, but it was nice to have someone on the staff who agreed with my choices.
Around now the doctors come back and suggest pitocin. I decline. I do not want pitocin, I had a hard time with it during Trixie's birth and I don't want to go through that again. I opt to let my body do the work. The baby is doing fine and everyone agrees that it's okay for me to wait. We wait. I have many more contractions and I question if I can do this. My doula tells me that if I question it, that means I can do it. It's when I can't do it anymore and declare myself done is when I am done. This makes perfect sense to me and I buckle down and put a lot of energy into my contractions and getting through them. It's about now that I get mad at them and really start to breathe hard into them, really leting lots of anger at them flow, and it makes them easier to handle. I still ask if I can do it. My doula tells me that I need to get out of my own head, I need to stop being so polite to everyone, including the doctors and let hte labour take me over. I ask her what I could think about, since I've always focused on pain to get though it. She guides me on a relaxing sequence and I have a whole bunch of contractions envisioning each one as a wave washing over me. I manage to sit through about 5 without saying anything. But they have started to slow down and get less intense.
Enter the doctors, again. There's a lot more talk of pitocin or a c-section, it's been about 2.5 hours since the last talk of pitocin. I agree to it only if I have an epidural. It's about 3am, i've been in labour for 22 hours. The nurse whom I love suggests that an epidural will help me to relax and that my body might finish dilating (I'm still at 4cms). So I get one. I am the most devistated I've been in a long time. I feel like the ultimate failure. Everyone tells me that labouring naturally for 22 hours is a feat, but I still feel let down and upset that my body failed me. I get the epidural and a cathedar, and I'm now bed ridden. I seem to be lucky and got a good anethesiologist who gives a perfect dose and I am able to move my legs and adjust my position mostly myself. I can still feel my contractins some, but they are really mild and I rest. Adam naps and my doula goes for a walk. At around 5 am I'm checked for dilation and I'm at 6 cms. The nurse comes back a couple more times to check me and help me shift positions and there is much resting. At around 7 I'm checked agina and I am fully dilated, and the nurse shift changes and I get a new nurse. My doula comes back from her walk/ snack break and we set everything up for me to start pushing. Since I'm all numb I can't stand and squat so I start pushing from my side. At about 7:40ish I'm told to push for a 10 count, which was a little annoying, but it gave me something to focus on. I do some pushes and then the nurse comes back and tells me to stop since she needs to get the doctor since the baby's head is nearly out. A doctor comes in and I push again, then on the next one I'm told to just push a little, which I find to be amusing. I try to hold back, and then next thing I know I have a crying baby on my chest. He cries for a long time, but it's a good cry. The doctor waits for the cords to stop pulsing and then she instructs Adam where to cut it. My doula tells me that the cord looks good, and I can tell that the baby is a good size, much bigger than his sister. Shortly after the cord is cut the placenta comes out and I ask the doctor if I can see it and she promises me that she'll show it to me before she leaves.
After the placenta is born the doctor checks me out and I have 2 second degree tears, one into my peinium and one up to my urethra. It takes her over an hour to stitch me up and during ths time the baby is weighed and measures. He's 7 pounds 5.3 ounces and 20 inches long. Adam and I haven't settled on a name for him yet. It's about now that the nurse tells me that I don't have a record if I am HIV posituve or not. I tell her that I am negative, that I had a test when I was pregnant with Trixie. She tells me that since I declined the test this time (I did because I knew I was negative, I didn't see the purpose in taking it again, it would just cause someone more work) I have to do it again. If I declined it then they would test the baby. I told her that there is no way I could have gotten HIV, since I am married in a monogomous relationship and I am not an IV drug user. She insists that she takes my blood or she'll take the baby's. I'm very upset by this, but Adam suggests that I let her and fight a differnt battle. I decline the eye goo for the baby and allow the vitimin K shot since he has a lot of head molding. (the 3 plates on his head are overlapped and he has a huge swollen spot. )
As the doctor is stitching me up my doula gives me a tour of my placenta, which looked healthy and a good size, which made me happy. There is a large white spot on the bag that is attached to the placenta and I wonder aloud if it's a calcium deposit from all of the tums I ate from my killer heartburn during my whole pregnancy. The doctor looks at it as she's checking out my placenta and says that it could be calcium. I would guess it was about 12 cms across and is rather square.
The baby gets checked out and scored 8 and 9 on his apgars and all is good, we're left to bond and start breastfeeding. A little while later the doctor comes back and tells me that she was wondering about the white spot on my placenta and she went to check my medical record and confirmed what she though. The spot is Hudson's twin, where she absorbed into him. I wasn't sad to learn this, it made me happy to see this, and have his twin acknowledged. However in the days to come it made me sad, not to have seen it, but to realize what's missing. My doula leaves around now, she's had a long night and needs to get back to her family.
After the doctor leaves again we still don't know what we're going to name the baby and Adam and I talk about the choices, finally we settle on Hudson George and we let the people know who need to know.
After a long night in the birthing suite I'm taken to the postpartum ward which is overflowing so I am in the overflow ward which is in the children's part of the hospital, and lucky me I get to share a room. The other lady's baby was born 15 minutes after Hudson and we don't talk. Her whole family and a bunch of friends are there for the whole day and I get little chance to rest, which was not plesant at all.

1 month newsletter

2010-02-28T22:56:00.000-08:00

Dear Hudson.
My sweet little baby, you get your own letter! Today you turn one month old! You are a tiny little boy, but I love you so much! I wondered what it was going to be like to have 2 children and how I could possibly love another child as much as I love Trixie, I knew it would happen, everyone says it does, and you know, it's totally possible. I love you so much. You are so sweet. I can't help but compare you to your sister, you have the same temperament as her when she was a baby, and so I want more children. A friend commented today after watching how mellow you were for a couple of hours that it's no wonder that I want more children, considering how sweet and mellow my children are as babies. I agree. And if you're a toddler like your sister, I'll still want more children.
Your birth, while not everything I wanted, was still pretty empowering and I'm so glad that you made the entrance that you did.
Your first couple of days and nights at home were interesting. You learned that you can imitate a pterodactyl and that you are voracious. Daddy and I keep trying to apply the parenting model we used with Trixie to you, and you keep reminding us that you are your own person and that you will not always do things like her. We're taking notes and trying to keep up. It's a good thing that you're so patient with us!
We've decided to cloth diaper you, and I adore your bulky cloth bum. I've also started to potty train you, much to many people's chagrin. And my little love, you're taking to it! I'll put you on the potty and give you the signal and you try your hardest to go, and many times you do. Hurray! I try not to cheer too loud for you, because it scares you and then you stop peeing. (I learned this the hard way.)
You've taken to breast feeding and bottle feeding like a champ, and much like your Daddy you are a little boob man. You seem to love to breast feed, even if there's nothing there, you're happy to just comfort suck.
I think you're going to have blond hair and blue eyes and I am so happy that you have a little dimple in your chin.
You love to be held and prefer Mama over everyone else. You love baths and will float with nary a peep out of you.
You are an excellent sleeper, but you're a night owl, choosing late evening to be your super alert time, and you sleep away the whole morning and much of the afternoon.
Today I noticed that you flashed me an intentional smile and it was so beautiful. I can't wait to see more of them!
All in all, you're an amazing baby and while you've only been here a month, I can't believe how in love I am with you. I'm such a lucky Mama.
I love you sweet boy!
Love,
Mama.

24 month newsletter

2010-02-24T23:31:00.000-08:00

Dearest Trixie.
Today you turned 2 years told! When I asked you this morning what today was you replied "Cake day!", so I asked again and you told me "Happy Happy cake day!" So yes my sweet girl, today was cake day, and we had delicious (guava) cake to celebrate your Happy Happy day.
2 years ago today you made me so happy by finally being born and turning me into a Mama, which has been the most gratifying transformation I could have ever asked for. I love being your Mama more than anything else ever! The past two years have been most amazing, and your Daddy and I have grown a lot and learned a lot about ourselves and who we were, who we are and who we're going to be. There have been a lot of changes in our lives. We've gone from a married couple to a family, and we bought our first home and now the most amazing, your Daddy is finally agreeing to sell his very non family friendly car so we can buy something that you can ride in legally! Hurray!
Now, while the past two years have changed life dramatically for your Daddy and I, the past month has changed everything for you! Nearly a month ago your baby brother, Hudson, was born, rendering you a big sister! Good thing you've taken to that role like the proverbial fish to water. You love your little brother, so much so that Daddy and I have to be careful and watch you closley to make sure you don't love him too hard. You ask constantly to hold him,kiss him, hug him and touch him. You share your toys with him and are quick to tell me that he's crying when he's upset, then you'll tell him: "it's okay baby, Mama knows, it's okay." You insist his name is Trixie's Baby and not Hudson, although sometimes you'll say that his name is Hudson and Trixie's Baby. You really are a great big sister and it makes me want to have many more children knowing that you'll be okay with it.
This month we bought you a trike and while you can't yet reach the pedals yet you will sit on it and walk it along with your feet, kind of like you would with a balance bike, and you can really get going with it like this. We are making sure you are safe and you always wear your helmet, which tickles you to no end. You love wearing your helmet, and sometimes you just want to wear it, even if we're not going out on your trike!
Physically you continue to fine tune your skills. You're able to jump with both feet, and we're working on standing on one foot. I often find you doing a tree pose (from yoga), complete by standing on one foot. I'm so proud that you can do this! You've also been working on your sommersault too, but please sweet girl, don't do them off of the couch. You'll get an ouchie. I remind you of this a couple times a day.
You can walk up and down stairs on your own, although you will ask for "up down" when Daddy or I are walking with you, which means that you want us to carry you. Generally you're okay with me telling you I can't, but sometimes you need me to. I guess you need the comfort, and I'll oblige. However if I am carrying Hudson you'll have to be happy with being carried like a football.
Your eating is the same, sporadic. I've realized that you're a social eater and apparently Mama isn't enough for you to eat infront of, you need a whole audience to tell you what a good eater you are. Pottying on the otherhand, you like to do in private. I'm glad to see that somethings are just naturally straight in your mind!
Your language skills are ever increasing. I find you often speaking to me in sentances and somehow you'll remember words and suprise me with them a few days later. You've started to sing, and have gone from singing tuneless, wordless songs to singing real songs. So far you favour Happy Birthday to you, Twinkle Twinkle, Old MacDonald and DoReMi. I love to listen to you sing. So we sing a lot. You warble like the most beautiful song bird....
I think you're starting to develop some fashion sense, and by fashion sense I mean you demand "pretty dress" nearly every day. Thankfully you're happy with any dress I pull out and I have outfitted your wardrobe with a lot of sturdy play dresses, many compete with leggings. You still love shoes and will ask for "pretty shoes" or more often boots, especially your rain boots. Your hair is getting so long that it's always in your eyes and you will let me clip it back with a hair clip, but sometimes you're a little naughty and pull it out, but you can seem to get it back in, try as you might. While I do love you in pig tails, I'm too picky and don't like it when they start to fall out, so I don't put them in your hair that often, because I constantly am redoing them to make them perfect. It's an issue I have, I'll work on it.
I've learned that you're a little bit of an imp in the house. You're growing so fast that I don't realize how far onto the counters you can reach and I keep forgetting to move things further back on the coutners so you can't reach them. Although you being the smart imp you are, will push the step stool up to the counter and reach what you want. It's good incentive for me to start keeping the counters clear so you can't get into anything.
Your favourite pasttime is still colouring. You also still love stickers and will colour and stick for a good long time. You still love your baby dolls and have started to breastfeed them, wrap them and coo to them like I do to your brother, whereas before you just put them to bed and gave them bottles. You also love your cars and blocks. I love that you don't seem to care what gender toys are meant for, if you like them, you'll play with them.
Trixie darlin' I think you're a pretty amazing toddler. I can't wait to see what the upcoming months hold for us.
I love you so much!
Love,
Mama.

23 month newsletter

2010-01-24T22:09:00.000-08:00

Dear Trixie.
Today you turn 23 months and I think I will call the month that passed the month of the singing. Lately you have been singing a lot, and you're not always singing songs that everyone knows. I love how you just sing along to the soundtrack in your head! It lets me know that you're my daughter, since I'm known to do that at well, I just tend to be a little better at making up my own lyrics, but I know you'll learn that skill too. Your two songs that you love to alternate between if you're signing a song we know is Old MacDonald and Happy Birthday. Old MacDonald is mostly "moo moo der, moo moo der, yiyiyo" and Happy Birthday is "happy happy to you, happy happy to you" over and over. It's adorable! Your nonsensical songs are pretty cute too, you'll sing about noises you hear, random words you've heard, or you'll just make up a sting of tones and have fun with that. And you have the most adorable voice. So sweet.
With your play you've really been working on jumping with 2 feet and for the most part you have it. Your Daddy will stack some books or some foam tiles for you to jump off to practice and it's become a favourite game. Each jump is always followed with a Happy Dance, which has quickly become your little signature to punctuate whenever you're really happy. You've also mastered walking down stairs holding on a hand and walking up stairs pretty much unassisted. I'm sure you could do both unassisted, but I like your head whole, so I'll hold your hand for a little longer to ensure it stays that way.
You so want to be able to ride a bike and get frustrated when I tell you that you're too small. We did buy you a baby seat for Daddy's bike though, so you can go for "bi-hi-cle" rides. Of course we have a helmet for you, we've had it for a while because you love to just wear them. I think in a couple months we'll be able to get you a bike, your Daddy and I are debating on which kind to get you.
Christmas came and went this past month, and you got a kitchen which you love to play in. You'll make me soup or tea or all sorts of other concoctions, I always tell you they are delicious, but I don't think I'll make bread, fish and lemon soup any time soon! You were given more duplo which you play with, and a cute little farm toy that you adore and play with nearly daily. I think your favourite toy though is a Caillou doll that I gave you. He does a lot with you, and your favourite game with him is hide and seek, Caillou always hides in your kitchen's fridge! You treat your Caillou doll like a big brother to your baby dolls, he never rides in your toy stroller and he never gets bottles or the babying that your dolls do. I think it's interesting that you have these divisions for them. You still love playing with your baby dolls, it'll go in waves, some weeks you're all about them and others you're interested in other things more. I think you'll make a great big sister though. You do seem to be a natural nurturer, but please remember, no blankets on baby's head!
In terms of getting ready for your baby brother, you seem to be excited. You know where he is and Daddy and I have shown you lots of videos of Mamas roaring to get the baby out of their bellies and you're always excited to see the new baby, then you ask for more baby. I wonder if you'll ask for more brothers after you see this one? We've started working on you saying the baby's name so you'll be ready when he's born. So far you've had no trouble and you know his name and that he's your brother. Looks like everything will go smoothly when he comes, although Daddy and I understand you might have some little hiccups, and that's okay too.
In an effort to get ready for baby brother I decided to make an honest effort to potty train you, but it went really poorly. We've learned that you don't handle being badgered well about some issues and you get stressed, which is a natural response. I think we'll hold off until you show more readiness. For a few weeks you were traumatized by the potty and would get really upset if anyone suggested it to you, but you're getting over that and you'll ask to sit on the potty again, which makes me happy! We'll take it slow and I'll let you let me know when you're ready. I don't think you're far off and we all know it's not a race, so take your time.
Your eating is the same. I've noticed that you eat best in social settings. Your Berkan Grandparents were here and commented a lot that you were a good eater, and you did eat great around them, and lead me to notice that you eat well around other people. When it's just you and me, you're less interested. I can have the most amazing spread of food stuffs for you and you'll just sample a couple things and proclaim yourself done really soon. I do have the most success if you are given things to dip and if you can eat off of my plate. Your growth is good and you're healthy so I'm not going to worry about this either.
With your speech you're amazing. You pick up words and phrases so quickly and use them in context really well. I love to see how your language develops. You're also counting a lot more, you know a lot of the countries on a world map and you love to colour and use stickers. Our days are busy with these activities, counting books, looking at a map, colouring, stickers and other such toddler activities. Oh and we play with your friends a lot. You adore your little friends and they love you too! I'm glad that I've found us such a great mother's group, so that you and I both have lots to do during the days and we've both made such amazing friends.
So my little love all in all this has been a busy month for us. Our last together, just the two of us! I am sure the next few months will be crazy, but we'll still have fun!
I love you!
Mama.

22 month newsletter

2009-12-25T00:08:00.001-08:00

Dear Trixie,
Today you turned 22 months old! So in two months you'll be 2 years old. That is so scary to Mama! I find it hard to believe that you're nearly two, which I know is a giant cliche, but I still see you as my little baby. Although by the time you turn two you'll have a little brother and everything will be different for you, however I am sure you will love it.
This month has been a busy one for you developmentally. You've cut 3 of your 4 canines, currently you are working on 2 of them, so sometimes you wake up at night a little grumpy, but you're always happy in the morning, and you also finally cut your 4th bottom tooth. It confirms that you have some funny crooked teeth on the bottom, but I have some hope that your big ones will come in a little straighter! Physically you are about the same size, but you are developing so much more with your motor skills. You love to run and will given any chance. You're trying your hardest to do two foot jumps, and sometimes you manage to get both feet off of the floor. You've learned to walk down stairs holding a rail or Mama's or Daddy's hand. I am sure that this is a late development, but it is all my fault. I am a little paranoid of you falling so I would always carry you, but now that I am so pregnant, I've had to let go a little and of course you were able to do it just fine!
Cognitively you're amazing. The other day we had the power go out briefly and then later in the day you were sitting in the kitchen as I made dinner and you kept telling me "4, 9, 4, 9, 4, 9", so I looked at the clock on the stove and it was flashing 4:19! So the next morning I showed you your number book and on a whim I asked you where the 4 was and you identified it, then the 9 and all of the other numbers! So it's become a game for you and I to point out numbers. Yesterday at a restaurant you showed us our number and told us it was 5, 1, and it was. Daddy and I are quite shocked that you've just decided to demonstrate your understanding of numbers. We've known for a while that you could count, but we didn't know that you could identify them by sight.
A few weeks ago Daddy hung up a giant wall map in your play area and you've been learning the countries of the world, so far you can identify: Canada, USA, Australia, New Zealand, China and Brazil. It's a fun game for you, and you like to tease us, pretending to point to one country, only to change and point to the correct one.
In getting ready for Christmas this year I took you to see Santa and you were completely uninterested in him, then on our vacation to Southern California we tried with another Santa and again you were uninterested. The Santas assure me that it's a phase, and you'll soon be happy enough to see him. You will be happy to know that I didn't push him on you and there are no crying Trixie photos on Santa's knee.
Your vocabulary continues to grow as always. I've noticed that you've started to understand more abstract concepts. For example we were talking about some of your friends at a playdate and you were able to tell me who wasn't there, you used "not". "Not Tyler, not George...." It's interesting for me to see how your mind works. One day I gave you some dried kiwis and I watched you look at it, taste it and say to me: " Mama, not apple?" and I told you that it was kiwi, and you responded telling me that you had kiwi with Nana. I was shocked because you did, a year ago, and you haven't had kiwi since then. I wonder how far back you can remember, and for how long will you remember that trip to New Zealand a year ago. I guess we'll see when we go back there in a few months!
Tomorrow is Christmas and I hope that you have a lovely day. Daddy and I thought long and hard about what presents that you would love the best and narrowed the list down to a few. I hope that you're not too overwhelmed by everything!
Okay my sweet girl. I hope you have a wonderful day tomorrow and I promise that the next month you and I will continue to have some amazing Mama and Trixie time, it will be the last we have before Baby Brother comes, then the three of us will have amazing time together!
love,
Mama.

21 month newsletter

2009-11-25T22:13:00.000-08:00

Dearest Trixie;
Yesterday you turned 21 months old and I swear I didn't forget it. I did have some issues remember how many months you are though. I blame being 31 weeks pregnant growing you a little brother.
In the past month you have grown. I tortured myself yesterday by looking at photos of you from a year ago. It nearly made me cry. You've grown so much. I know that it's a cliche that children grow so fast, but you do. When you were 14 months old you had chubby cheeks and were just nearly toddling and we so baby. Now your face has leaned out, you run and you're so much more of a little girl. I still call you a baby though, and you don't argue, so I won't stop. Perhaps that will help me think of you as my baby a little longer.
This month you've continued to not be much of an eater, although we learned tonight that mashed purple cauliflower and carrots coins are good. You ask for berries, apples and bananas every day, and still love to lick jam off of your toast. Your Daddy and I still give you a bottle of formula or goat's milk at night and you seem to be growing fine, so I'm not worried. Oh and whenever we go to a restaurant you always ask the waitress or waiter for rice or noodles, which is "wice, newnos". Pretty dang cute!
With your play you have shown your love for all things with wheels, cars, trucks, trains, planes, buses, etc. You'll drive them all over the furniture making a noise like "weeeoooohhhhh", everything sounds the same. On Mondays you get excited when the garbage truck is outside of the window and you ask me over and over if the noise is the truck, and when he's there we'll look out the window, then you'll play truck for a while, with lots of weeeeooooohhhhs to accompany it. You still play with your babies, mostly pottying them and pushing them around in your toy stroller. And you love to play with your mini pots and pans. So I think Mama and Daddy are going to get you a kitchen for Christmas. I think you will love it! I've really been enjoying watching your imagination grow. It was important for me to see that you did have some creativity in you and you do! Hurray!
Your language continues to grow. This month we've talked a lot about the noises that animals make and you'll meow, woof, moo, oink and roar with joy. We've learned that many animals roar, even sharks, and sometimes rouge ladybugs. Today you told Daddy that "rinosaurs" roar when you were reading us the "Moo Baa La La La" book. Everyday you have a couple new words and you are very adept at getting your point across, and as a result you use your sign language less and less. We have been working on getting you to talk with your hands more, but it's a work in progress.
You've discovered the alphabet this month and you love to hear me sing it over and over, and just randomly you'll throw out letter combos in song, "H-I-J", "C-D-E" etc. It's cute. You've also started counting more and you can count to 6 on your own, but you do like to just count to 2 a lot. 1-2-1-2 over and over. It's funny. We've started to learn to spell your name, so far you can identify T and R, which is plenty for me. It's not something I'm going to push you on, but it's a fun game you like. You've become an expert at your shape sorter which mean I don't step on triangles any more since you used to favour the circles and squares then rectangles, leaving the triangles out 'cause they were harder. When you play with a nesting toy you'll work at it, almost systematically until you solve it, which has amazed some people, and makes me so proud. Your puzzles are a breeze for you and clearly it's time that I get you some more challenging toys.
You're still wearing 18-24 month clothes, and I find that you are built like your Mama. You've got short legs! I'm sorry sweet girl. Your Daddy and I have started to give you choices in the morning as to which shirt you'll wear and you will most often grab for both shirts at once, or simply refuse all shirts, wishing instead to go without.
Potty learning is still a fun game. You'll sit on a potty for an hour, happily reading a book or playing, but you won't pee. Instead you'll demand a "di-der" and then tell me a while later that you need the potty again. We're working on you letting me know before you pee that you need the potty, not right after. Still I won't pressure you, we work on it, but I'll let you decide when you need to make the transition to panties all of the time. I suspect it's soon because you loathe diapers and it can be quite the challenge to put a diaper on you some days.
With your little friends you've gotten really close to your buddy Leland, and your other buddy Leilani. Leland is all boy and you are quite the tomboy around him, digging in the dirt, looking for bugs, playing with trucks, and just being rambunctious. With Leilani you are much more a little lady, playing more quietly, holding hands with her and being more girly. With them both you divide your time, perhaps you'll be a little politician some day, equality for all!
At night you often start sleeping in your own bed, but between 2 and 4 am you'll make your way over to the big bed and crawl in with Daddy and I and ask for a bottle. I am happy to have you there, you're so cuddly and sweet. I'm still shocked that you took to your toddler bed so easily, you've never fought it, although we've never forced it on you either. I wonder what will happen once your little brother will be in the mix. You'll still have your place in the big bed, Baby Brother will just sleep on the other side of me, so that he's safe from your crazy sleep positions.
So it's been a busy month, but it went by too fast.
You're so sweet and cute. I love you so much!
love Mama.

Grandparents

2009-11-23T23:07:00.000-08:00

Lately Trixie's vocabulary has really been expanding and she's been adding names to her list of "words". She's known the names of her friends for a while, but it's nice to hear that she can actually talk to them using something sounding like their names. However even cuter are the names for her grandparents.
Adam has Trixie talk to his parents frequently on the computer via a video chat, so she's become familiar with them and who they are. I'm pretty sure she realizes that they are two people, but she calls them both "Bubba", which is so cute, and kinda funny. I'll point to Adam's mom as ask who it is and she'll answer "Bubba" and the same with Adam's dad, "Bubba". With her toddler talk, she might have a slightly different name that sounds awfully the same for each, but for now it's Bubba and Bubba.
Then yesterday we talked to my Dad and my Step mom online and she recognized them from a year ago and labelled them correctly as Nana and Papa. That was impressive and she addressed them as such. Even drawing a picture of Nana and showing it to her.
For my mom she calls her "Graingma", I'm sure it'll evolve into Gramma at some time.
I'm kinda interested in what Bubba and Bubba will turn into.

30 weeks!

2009-11-19T20:08:00.001-08:00

I forgot to remind the world on Monday that I'm 30 weeks pregnant. Which is a nice milestone, 3/4s there, nice round number. But alas, I have toddler, I am much more occupied with other things.
So we've named this baby Turducken for his project name. The unveiling of his name will be after he's born for a whole myriad of reasons. I chose Turducken 'cause it made me laugh, at the time I needed to laugh. It stuck. People often question the name. They want to know if I'm the turkey and he's the duck or chicken. I say no, he's Turducken, like Cher. I think it suits him, and it still makes me laugh.
Anyhow, he's an active boy, more than Trixie was, and I thought she was busy. She never woke me up at night with her hijinks and he does, nearly every night. He tolerates me semi lying on my stomach as much as she did, which is not at all, but he gets to suck it up, because that's what's comfortable.
Fortunately with all of his wiggling he's not hitting my bladder often, unlike Trixie who danced on it all of the time. I'm grateful about this because it hurt! He does kick or punch the top of my cervix, which is pretty unpleasant. He's also learned to pluck or strum my c-section scar, which is odd. It doesn't hurt, but it feels like he's pulling my uterus in then releasing it.
When he moves he tends to move his whole body, not just an arm and a leg. I can often see his movements, which is also odd for me 'cause Trixie didn't do that so much.
So only 7-12 weeks to see who has been doing all of this.
Should be interesting.

Hope for Anissa

2009-11-18T22:49:00.000-08:00

It's pretty amazing how the Internet community works and how fellow bloggers can rally around someone to help.
I read about a woman today who is 35 has 3 children, and just suffered a major stroke.
I am really upset about it all. She's young and has young children, one of whom just battled with cancer and beat it. I would say that this family has been through enough, but apparently the universe doesn't agree.
I can't even imagine what her family is going through. They're living my worst nightmare, or rather she is. The thought of something happening to me and me leaving Trixie scares me so badly. So horrible.....
Please click on the link and donate anything if you can, if not just send lots of good healing vibes out for Anissa.

The Techie Future...

2009-11-17T23:20:00.000-08:00

So I normally leave my techie commentary for my techie sub-blog but since Dea needs me to pinch post for her again, you lucky tweedle-readers get a peak at some techie future...

I was reading over at jeff jonas' blog, and he had a really interesting take on what's coming next in technology. Go have a
read. Done?

Yeah, I know most of you skipped it, so here's the summary. Now that everyone is carrying a cell phone/mini-computer on them at all times, the very psersonalized internet is coming. The cell companies know where your phone is (within a few meters at least) and with nothing more than a few days data of where your cell phone has been it's possible to know a huge amount about you.

Looking at the data, where you live is obvious since that's where your cellphone goes every night. Is it a rich neighborhood? A young neighborhood? Renter's neighborhood? See how much we already know!

Where you work is also easy to summize, since you spend a huge amount of time there. Is it in an industrial park? An office building? A starbucks? Do you have two jobs? Oh how much we learn...

We can see how you get to work. Do you take the bus, bike trails, or the freeway.

We know where you hang out. Got a favorite gym, movie theater or coffee shop? Or maybe a bar? (Or maybe a gay bar...)

We know where you like to shop. Is it at the boutiques downtown, or Walmart?

When was your last vacation, and where did you go...

And we can easily find your secrets... Identifying affairs is obviously easy, but secret hobbies are outed by your frequent trips to the model train store...

It's amazing how much information a little location data reveals. Now a cell company would never give all this information to third party because it's too personal. Your home & work addresses alone are probably enough to identify you. But if they anatomize it just a little bit (say make your home and work locations accurate to the nearest block) then it becomes much harder to identify you, but keeps the data very useful for learning about you.

So what keeps the companies from selling this anonymity data? Nothing, they do it already! Didn't you read page 18 of the phone contract? Oh well...

So where does this mean the internet is going? Imagine ads that are targeted at you based on this location history. Do you usually go shopping Saturday morning? Maybe the boutique you visited a couple weeks ago sends you a coupon Friday night. On your way home from work at the factory? Those comfy new boots look good in that ad. Have you been visiting car dealerships lately? Get used to car ads!

Are we going to put up with this? (Well, so far we are.) The truth is people actually like ads that are highly relevant (and they click on them). Because these ads get results they're worth more to advertisers who pay more to show them. This makes your favorite ad-supported websites more profitable and lets them improve. So happier customers, advertisers and publishers! Everyone wins...

The privacy issues of course remain tricky and are what's keeping this in check. If history is a guide though, people will grow more comfortable with sharing this information.

Enjoy the very personalized future...

homelessness

2009-11-16T20:42:00.000-08:00

Our neighbourhood is really new, it's an industrial turned residential area, so it's a little low on amenities, and high on town homes. (It's the most densely populated area of the city) I assume, that because we are such a new neighbourhood with nothing but houses we don't have many homeless people around here, until recently. There is this one guy who stands at the intersection where I turn to head home, just off of the free way. I feel so bad for this guy, but I have no idea how to help him. He stands in the middle of the intersection where the light are, balancing on the rocks that are in the cement and he fidgets while holding a sign that says "homeless please help". He looks so ashamed, I can't help but feel so sad every time I see him. I am really bad about carrying cash, so I never have any to give to him, but what would I do, just roll down my window and hand him a $20 bill? Would that really help? Should I make him a bunch of sandwiches? I just don't know.
I would like to think that he's a reasonable guy who's just really down on his luck. He's always clean and wearing clean clothes, his hair isn't a giant matted mess. He looks presentable. Perhaps that's why I'm bothered so much. He doesn't look strung out on something, or like he's been out for a while, he looks new to the homeless game, and it looks like it's wearing on him.
There are times I wish I could just invite him in for dinner and a good night's sleep, but I can't. I have to think of Trixie and her safety.
In the recent months we have donated to a food bank and a homeless shelter for families, so I feel that we've got the donating covered, but seeing one person so sad, I just am at a loss.

Adam says....

2009-11-15T21:22:00.000-08:00

Adam says Payton Manning is awesome.
I'm not going to agree or disagree, but being a football player I bet he has a nice ass.

Pregnancy!

2009-11-13T22:07:00.000-08:00

In the first trimester you're all happy about the little secret you have. You hold it with you, not ready to tell everyone yet, bubbling with excitement, but still a little wary of the what ifs. You get hit with the nausea, but are grateful because that means that something is working, so this is one of the rare times in life where you are happy to puke your guts out. Then you complain that you are losing weight, while secretly high fiving yourself, considering this the easiest diet ever! You get to have the first ultrasound that shows the wee heartbeat and you breathe a sigh of relief, finally confirming that you do, indeed, have a parasite. You contemplate telling the world, but settling for those closest to you. And you nap, a lot.

In the second trimester you can start with a big ol' sigh of relief, you're out of the woods, although you kinda already knew that when you saw the heartbeat. But through traditional wisdom you know you're safe. You've stopped puking, you feel more energized and you want to eat. So you do. Everything in sight. Cravings are blissful, when else can you get away with peanut butter by the tablespoon full alongside cottage cheese? You walk around with a glow about you, proud of your wee baby bump that you wish would grow faster so that it's more obvious that you're pregnant. You start to lament the weight gain you're having, but remind yourself that you need that peanut butter, it's for the baby. After all you're eating for two now! Sometime soon you'll feel the first little flutters of your precious baby bean. You exalt in them, trying to get your partner to feel them also. Often failing because your belly bean is so tiny.

In the third trimester you curse the second trimester you for being so damn perky. Your back aches, your pelvis aches, your boobs ache, your hips ache, you ache everywhere. You're damn tired and all you want to do is sleep, but you ache too much to sleep. The baby like to jive on your bladder sending you to pee every 10 minutes, you're going through a lot of toilet paper now. Then every now and then the baby will punch your cervix, just to remind you who's boss. You're ravenously hungry, but more than 2 bites of food gives you heartburn from hell. So does water. You've renamed your baby from some cutsey name like "Buttercup" to "Ass burger" or "Devil's Spawn". You remind the baby that feet and ribs should not meet, and "No Devil Spawn you cannot escape though my belly button!" Your feet swell, your hands swell, you swell. You've lost your glow, it's now a fine sheen of sweat, if you're sitting, if you're walking across the room it's much more than a fine sheen. You curse the women who talk about doing full workouts when they're heavily pregnant. You want pants that fit and don't chafe. You think a lot about birth and how wonderful it will be to finally hold your baby, and when you do, it will all be so worth it.

Squashy Love

2009-11-12T23:47:00.001-08:00

I mentioned on a facebook update that I was going to try 20 different squashes this season, so I figured I should update at how poorly I am doing.
To date I've had:
1. Kabocha
2. Butternut
3. Delicata
4. Acorn
5. Spaghetti

I have 3 more kinds at home, so I'll be able to add them to my list soon. I'm worried that I might not be able to find 20 different kinds.

Remeberance Day

2009-11-11T22:46:00.001-08:00

Every year I write a post about how important today is to me because of my Grandpa.
Today I wondered how many people in my generation use today as a day to remember their grandparents, especially since Canada has not been as involved by war since WW2. However since living in California I've seen the effect of the more recent wars which are more on on the forefront of people's minds. In the past years of living here I wished that there was more focus on the vets of WW1 and 2, I feel that they are being lost, and it's because of them that today is sacred. Then it dawned on me today as I recited In Flanders Fields to myself, the line that says, "the torch be yours to hold it high", could refer to the current veterans, it's their turn to inspire and remind everyone to respect today, and the jobs that all of the young men and woman have done for Canada, the US and so many other countries.
So today I paid homage to all vets, even the youngest ones, who are just as deserving as my Grandpa.

Stuff....

2009-11-10T22:31:00.000-08:00

Or stuffing.
For my mom's group's quarter one birthday party Candice and I made a giant cupcake to take a photo of the babies in. However after that party and the quarter two party the cupcake suffered too much damage, so tonight I am making a new giant cupcake for the q. 3 and q. 4 party. It's involving a lot of stuffing.
I'll have picutres soon. But they'll be on my facebook account. I hope you're my friend!

Also I missed yesterday.
Doh!

Persimmons!

2009-11-08T23:11:00.001-08:00

It's that time of year again. The time for me to eat my weight in persimmons. Oh how I love those subtly sweet crunchy fruits. (that's the fuyu ones, not the pointy ones)
This year I found them at the grocery store I frequent for *gasp* $2.00 each! And I bought several because I love them so much. Then I found them at a farmer's market for $1 a pound which is a much better price, then a friend told me that she has a whole tree of them and she let me come and pick some. So I did, about 30 or so lbs. I am in persimmon heaven. I've been indulging on them daily. I've also tried a couple of recipes so far. I've made a cooked chutney which turned out amazing and not at all mushy, and today I started a fermented chutney batch, and I'll see in a couple days how that comes out.
Next I'm going to try some persimmon bread and cookies. I'm excited!
Persimmons abound!
Trixie loves them too. If I leave the bag of them on the floor she'll rummage through it until she finds one to her liking and she'll just munch on it, walking around the house holding it taking the occasional bite. It grosses me out a little because I always peel the skin off of them, like I was taught to in Korea, but she's fine, they were grown without pesticides and I wash it for her. She called them pears or apples but when I correct her she says 'simm'n!
Yay it's Persimmon season!

Booky love

2009-11-07T22:56:00.001-08:00

I begged Adam to get me a Kindle for mother's day, and you know? He did! And oh mylanta I love it! Now considering I live in a really techy house, where we have a lot of the latest gadgets, and some so new that they have barely been released*, it would be pretty impressive to say that my Kindle is my favourite device in the house. I've even been so inspired to have gotten rid of more than half of my books, which is a large amount. I love that I can find pretty much any book that I search for** and that after I buy the book it only takes 60 seconds to upload to my device. AND if I want, most of the books are speech enabled so I can have books on tape! Then to make it even more wonderful I bought a little cover for it and a light to go with it so I can read at night without disrupting my bedfellows. (Trixie does not like any lights on at night.)
The most recent set of books that I have been reading has been the Anita Blake series. I am a little ashamed to say that I love them! They're pretty well written, although there are some pretty cliche moments, but I think it's more because the author started writing them in the 90s, making the comments about her fanny pack legitimate. Also in the later books, heck most of the books after book three, they start to get rather racy. But for the most part the plot moves along, so it's not just smut for smut's sake.
In some reviews that I've read people claim that they are enamoured with one of the characters Jean Claude, but I find him to be rather trite and over done. But mostly when I think of him I totally see The Count from Sesame Street in my head. It gets really disturbing when Jean Claude and Anita have sex.
One penis euphemism, ah ah ah, two penis euphemism ah ah ah, three penis....

*Adam's had this phone for a while as a tester. The "drrrroid" chime it makes is pretty annoying, but him and the baby love it.
**The Harry Potter series isn't on it. bummer.

Feeding a little Miss.

2009-11-06T17:47:00.001-08:00

Feeding Trixie has become an art. As to not be unfair to her, she's not a picky eater, she's just not an eater in general. She's go through phases when she'll eat everything around her, but they're few and far between, and I'm realizing that she's a social eater. She eats well when there are others around her, but when it's just her, me and Adam she's just not much of an eater. I don't get stressed about it because she's healthy and growing so I know she's getting what she needs, I guess from the air around her. I will admit to one little picky thing she has seemed to cultivate and it's her distaste for meat. I don't think it's intentional, I think it's more she doesn't like the texture, but if I know we'll be eating a particular animal that day, I take care to not talk about that animal much. For example if we're going to have chicken, we don't read books with chickens in them, because she has made that connection. (PETA, are you there? Yes she'll come your way soon, I'm sure.)
So the arty part of feeding Trixie is that I am passionate about cultivating her immune system and keeping is working in it's peak form. As I am sure you all know I selectively vaccinate Trixie and refuse to give her any flu shots. I feel since I've made these choices I have to make a huge effort to make sure her immune system is strong to keep her healthy. So every day I aim for a variety of healthy foods for her. If you saw into my cabinets you'd see I don't have convience foods for her, but I have lots of healthy whole grains and such. Snacks are usually fresh fruit and veggies, sometimes we'll have some organic treats like animal crackers or Mum mums.
For her meals I try to be creative, especially since I eat what she does. This means I get to make new and exciting things. I try to incorporate a couple of new recipes a week, especially ones that focus on whole, healthy foods. So far I've found it to be really fun and have had very few busts.
Trixie has her favourties and so far they are:
baby rice (my name for it) soaked brown rice (2 parts) amaranth (1 part) and millet (1 part). Boil until cooked and all of the water is absorbed. I really like this because Trixie loves rice and this has lots of protein from the amaranth and goodness from the other whole grains. It's nice and sticky and I've used it in place of sticky rice in rolls. I've also used it in place of rice in various rice dishes.
Anything noodle. Trixie will eat her weight in noodles, at home I use whole grain noodles for her.
Broccoli, little trees. They will often be torn up into smaller pieces, arranged in size with the big pieces being Mama and Daddy and the small ones being baby. She does this, not me.
Cucumber discs, especially good for dipping in marinara sauce. Totally her creation. Odd.
Hummus, she will drink it given the chance.
Chilled peanut butter sammies, they don't come apart this way.
Soup! I love that Trixie loves soup! I've discovered that she loves borscht, and I always knew that she loves beets.
Any combination of beans and rice. She loves her beans and rice. This makes me happy because it's a complete protein.

To try to incorporate for protein into her diet I've tried some fake meats, but she doesn't like them. I've tried deli meats that are nitrate free and she doesn't like them. I've tried chicken nuggets and she doesn't like them. I made seitan last weekend and she ate a small piece. This might be promising. We'll see.
I'm finding that we eat a lot of vegan stuff, for no particular reason, it just seems to be what I'm drawn to. I try to avoid dairy because cow's milk still bothers her and I don't like the taste of goat's milk. I avoid eggs because of Adam, so that leaves us eating vegan.

Now to be honest we don't eat perfect for every meal, she's had french fries and she loves them. She's tasted burgers and she doesn't like them. All in all she has the same perspective on fast food as her Mama does: it's okay really rarely, but it gets gross fast!

All in all feeding a toddler is fun. I can't wait until my family is bigger and there is more cooking to be done. I love to cook!

pregnancy and birth

2009-11-05T21:49:00.001-08:00

I had my 28 week OB appointment today, and as always I left totally irate at the quality of care and the standard of care that I get here.
Last appointment I was given a birth plan form to fill out (and by fill out I mean check the boxes of the things I want) and then we would discuss it today. Ugh ugh ugh. It didn't go well. I want more than what was on the form and it resulted in a long discussion. A lot of it was about me not wanting pitocin, and as a result my OB spent a lot of time telling me why pit. isn't horrible. I explained that my reaction and dislike of it is directly related to the poor outcome I had with it last time. She disregarded that.
So being irate I came home and stewed about it and posted to my facebook about being told the benefits of it. And of course it caused a disccusion on my facebook page. I had all sorts of comments, how it helped some people, how some people agree with me and how I should give up doctors and give birth in a hut in the woods.
After reading all of the comments I was frustrated. I think that interventions are there for a reason and I'm glad they are there. Women did die in childbirth. But I want to be treated like a healthy woman doing a natural thing (carrying a baby) and not treated like I have some terminal disease. I want to rejoice with my doctor about how wonderful this pregnancy is going and how I have such a good chance of a natural, drug free labour. I don't want to talk about potential problems, especially since there is little chance of them*.
Now I totally understand that she sees the worst of the worse, and wants to look for the worst, but I feel that someone who works with pregnant woman should also focus on the labours that go well and advocate and support for that. You know, behave more like a midwife. Not everyone will have problems, in fact I bet that really very few women have issues. But they get created and blown out of proportion and then BAM there's a problem and everyone is stressed.
I'm working hard on positive affirmation, telling myself that this labour will go well and that I will end up with the labour I want, but it's starting to wear on me that there are so many negative caregivers out there. Pooh.
Luckily I do have lots of supportive friends who are proponents of natural labour and birth, and through them I get strength and support for what I want. But I really feel for the women who just don't know and go through their pregnancy dreading the horrible birth because that is all that they are lead to believe there is.
Women do have good labours and births. It shouldn't be so hard to hear about them.

*I know I should know the risks, and I know them. But I think that there is more to having a healthy pregnancy and healthy relationship with a doctor.

Christmas for a Toddler.

2009-11-04T22:34:00.000-08:00

Last year for Trixie's first Christmas we were pretty low key. We bought some ornaments to commemorate the day and didn't put too much effort into thinking of gifts for her because she was 10 months old and frankly was more interested in the paper. So we got her a baby doll and a box of tissues. She loved them both, a lot. The tissues have long since been torn up and thrown away, but the baby doll is still in regular rotation.
This year poses a whole new set of issues. She has opinions and likes, no wants yet though. She knows what toys are and loves the toy section of any store. I don't want to go really crazy though and overwhelm her with gifts because we don't have the space and I don't think she needs a lot of stuff. So I'm debating between a little kitchen or a toy train set. Both of which she will ADORE. Also I need to consider a gift that the baby will give her when he's born. So perhaps the kitchen would be a good Christmas gift and the train set a "yay you're world was just turned upside down and you have to love this!" gift.
Along with her big gift I'm also going to get her a little Caillou stuff, since she loves him and begs to have her Caillou time every day.
All in all, I am loving planning out her Christmas presents, it really is better to give than receive!
I'd tell you what I was going to get Adam, but he knows how to read and work a computer, so it would be less of a surprise for him! I'm sure he'd love a Daddy sized Caillou shirt though.